
Excuse me madam. Do you have 5 minutes to spare?
You want five minutes? Sure, I have five minutes, I have all the time I need. Because I take my time. Whenever I need some time, I take it. Why do you need five minutes sir? Don’t you know you have all the time you need?
Oh I’m so sorry madam, I just wanted to ask you a few questions about your TV licence.
Haha! Do you know they’re building machines that can read our minds? Do you know that? You’ll be out of a job mate! They won’t need you anymore. They can just hook up the machine and read my mind, and they’ll know everything. Come to think of it, how do I know you’re not part of that machine? They might have made it look like a person. Ha! I don’t even know for sure. Maybe you are that mind reading machine, maybe I’m part of that machine too! Surely I’d have to also be a machine, for the machine to read me, no?

Oh I’m so sorry madam, I just wanted to ask how you pay for your TV licence? Do you pay online, use credit card, or direct debit?
Knock three times if anybody is there!……
No? No-one there? Am I dreaming you? Are you real?
I’m sorry madam, I just wanted 5 minutes of your time.
I can give you five minutes, ten minutes, thirty minutes. Like I said, I have all the time I need. But if you’re not here when I’m giving it, how will you receive it?
Online vouchers? Credit card, direct debit?
Haha…I’ll give you five minutes, and see if you show up. It’ll be interesting to see if someone shows up, if for a moment, the machine stops, and a real life human being shows up.

Can I just take your details madam, what’s your first name?
I’m giving you five minutes. If you’re willing to take it?
I just need your name and date of birth madam?
That’s probably one minute now already, maybe two, but I’m feeling generous. Are you here yet?
Yes I’m here, And if you have five minutes, I’d just like to ask you some questions about your TV licence. But if you don’t wish to participate, please let me ask someone else. I’m on a tight schedule.
You’re asking for five minutes. I’m giving you five minutes, and you don’t even want it. You don’t even want some time, you want data. That’s all you want. Some more data for your data machine. But your machine is so damn stupid, it can’t even process the data I’m giving. You know what? That makes me sad, quite sad. That you’ve been reduced to this.
I’m sorry madam, but I’ve no idea what you mean, I just want to ask some questions about how you pay for your TV licence?
I know that’s what you think you’re doing, and that makes me sad. But that’s OK too. I really hope you come to your senses sir. It’s been a pleasure, sharing two or three minutes with you. Take care, goodbye.
Goodbye madam, thank you for your time!















